Opening up. After deciding to have a baby on her own, singer Jessie J has suffered a pregnancy loss.
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Yesterday morning I was laughing with a friend saying ‘Seriously though how am I going to get through my gig in LA tomorrow night without telling the whole audience I am pregnant,’” the England native captioned an Instagram selfie with a pregnancy test on Wednesday, November 24. “By yesterday afternoon I was dreading the thought of getting through the gig without breaking down… After going for my 3rd scan and being told there was no longer a heartbeat .”
The “Domino” songstress further opened up her somber news via her social media upload.
“This morning. I feel like I have no control of my emotions. I may regret posting this. I may not. I actually don’t know,” she wrote on Wednesday. “What I do know is that I want to sing tonight. Not because Im avoiding the grief or the process, but because I know singing tonight will help me. … I want to be honest and true and not hide what I’m feeling. I deserve that. I want to be as myself as I can be in this moment. Not just for the audience but for myself and my little baby that did it’s best.”
She continued in her post: “I decided to have a baby on my own. Because it’s all I’ve ever wanted and life is short. To get pregnant was a miracle in itself and an experience I will never forget and I know I will have again. Im still in shock, the sadness is overwhelming. But I know I am strong, and I know I will be ok.”
The musician further opened up about her pain, calling it the “loneliest feeling in the world.”
“So I will see you tonight LA,” she concluded her post, while revealing her intentions to carry on with her previously scheduled concert in California. “I may crack less jokes but my heart will be in the room.”
The performer explained that she still wanted “to sing tonight” because “I know singing tonight will help me.”
“I have done 2 shows in 2 years and my soul needs it,” she added. “Even more today. I know some people will be thinking she should just cancel it. But in this moment I have clarity on one thing. I started singing when I was young for joy, to fill my soul and self love therapy, that hasn’t ever changed and I have to process this my way. … I want to be honest and true and not hide what I’m feeling. I deserve that. I want to be as myself as I can be in this moment. Not just for the audience but for myself and my little baby that did it’s best.”
The “Price Tag” singer has previously been vocal about her fertility struggles, sharing at a November 2018 concert that she was “told four years ago that I can’t ever have children.”
“I wanted to write this song for myself in my moment of pain and sadness but also to give myself joy, to give other people something that they can listen to in the moment when it gets really hard,” Jessie explained regarding her “Four Letter Word” song. “So if you’ve ever experienced anything with this or have seen somebody else go through it or have lost a child, then please know you’re not alone in your pain and I’m thinking of you when I sing this song.”
Since then, the singer swapped her daily lifestyle to increase her odds of having biological children one day.
“I’ve always been someone that’s open and honest,” the musical artist revealed on the Heart Breakfast podcast in June 2019. “Four, four-and-a-half, five years ago, I was diagnosed with this disease, which is making it harder. I was told I can’t have children, but I don’t believe it. I believe in miracles. I haven’t given up. … Over the last four years, I’ve changed my diet. I changed the way I live, I’ve done a lot of self-work. I am still in the process of it.”
The London-based artist was previously diagnosed with adenomyosis, which occurs when the endometrial tissue grows into the muscular uterine wall, according to the Mayo Clinic.
“The pain I’ve been through with this disease is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face,” the “Wild” performer opened up to the London Times in June 2019. “I get severe pain, which I have to manage, and psychologically, well, having children was always a big thing for me. I may be infertile, which, not gonna lie, would be devastating.”
She added at the time, “Basically, I am still hoping [to be able to get pregnant one day]. Some days it seems possible I might have children and others not. I have to accept that becoming a mother is going to be a battle. Oh yeah, I might go down the route of adoption or even surrogacy. I pray I have children the natural way, but if not, I’ll deal with it.”