Looking back. Bachelor star Kaitlyn Bristowe reflected on her past heartbreak in a candid new video titled “My Life Story,” which she shared on May 6, revealing she was suicidal after ending her serious relationship with a hockey player.
“I was still on this journey of figuring out who I was,” the TV personality admitted, recounting what made her the woman she is today. The ABC alum, 34, said she was making her dreams come true as a cheerleader for the Canadian NFL and then she met a “boy,” quickly changing up her plans. They tried to do things long-distance since he often had to travel due to his busy schedule, but they couldn’t take being apart so they moved in together. “There goes the dance career,” she said.
As they grew closer, he signed to Germany, which caused even more turmoil in their romance. “A small part of me was dying every day I wasn’t doing what I loved to do,” she said, admitting it was hard to follow him and his dreams while feeling like she was letting hers go. Bristowe said she felt “lost” because she was financially and emotionally reliant upon someone else.
Bristowe really believed he was “the one,” especially because they looked at engagement rings. “I had not only been self-sabotaging, but also sabotaging the relationship at the same time and just making him feel so much guilt for putting me in this position, that I definitely signed up to be a part of,” she said in hindsight.
They soon decided it was best to end their relationship and did so “very abruptly.” She had to move back in with her mom and stepdad at 27 years old and start fresh, something she felt unprepared for after going through one of the hardest experiences in her life. Bristowe said it was especially trying because she had no motivation. “It’s heavy, dark times,” the reality star admitted.
“I went to the doctor and I’ll never forget filling out paperwork on how depressed I was. I remember on a scale of one to 10, being suicidal. I remember filling everything out and just feeling like I had nothing and life was over for me,” she continued.
Eventually, she was sick of “feeling numb” and ready to begin her next chapter. If she could go back in time, Bristowe would tell herself “you cannot make someone else responsible for your own happiness.”
Even though it was extremely difficult, she managed to stay optimistic and her “hopeless romantic” heart inspired her to try out for Juan Pablo’s season of The Bachelor. She didn’t end up getting selected by the casting team until next season.
Now, she has built a platform for herself that she couldn’t be more proud of. On top of that, she is in “a fulfilling, loving, happy relationship” with her current boyfriend, Jason Tartick.
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.