Out Of League ? - Pursuit Of True Mate Value

by J S Sekhon December 13, 2022

Out Of League ? - Pursuit Of True Mate Value

People's notions about how good a catch they are don't correspond to reality.
Well, it's probably not due to the case that evolutionary theory is wrong.
Instead, it seems we are quite bad at judging ourselves in the context of evolutionary theory.
Mate Value is a function of the timelessness and agelessness built in you. And hence people might judge themself on the basis of physical traits while true Mate Value is out of their league.
Desirable individuals ( higher in universal values ) underestimate their mate value, while less desirable individuals ( higher in universal values ) overestimate it.
But maybe that's a trait that has been selected for.
These bad judgement of oneself leads to Mate Value Discrepancies which are the cause of social ills described further.
Here we decode the DNA of perceived desire v/s true desire which is the basis of perceived mate value v/s true mate value. We also discuss the mate value discrepancies and finally give a 64 Personality Template of what is the Universal Value that can catalyse a tsunami of True Mate Value in us. Only the practice of 64 Personality Template makes us a full human ( the benchmark of true mate value ).

Mate Value - Decoding DNA Of Desire Diversity

Bondage to passion is in part a person's inability to recognise the means to perseverance. However, the most severe problem associated with bondage is a failure to recognise that laetitia, or joy, the affect that human minds associate with the ends of their desires, is obtained only where the power of a mind's striving to persevere in being increases. In such cases, we may seek ends altogether different from perseverance. Bondage, then, presents human minds with two tasks: to develop from self-knowledge a conscious desire to persevere in being, and to attain the means to perseverance.
Construct of object of desire self-consciousness is built around the perception that one is romantically and sexually desirable in another's eyes. The object of desire self-consciousness may be an adaptive, evolved psychological mechanism allowing sexual and romantic tactics suitable to one's mate value.
Humans possess a menu of mating strategies that includes long-term mating, short-term opportunistic copulations, extra-pair copulations, and serial mating.
Mate value is defined as the sum of traits that are perceived as desirable, representing genetic quality and/or fitness (biology), an indication of a potential mate's reproductive success. Based on mate desirability and mate preference, mate value underpins mate selection and the formation of romantic relationships.
Women high in mate value, compared to those lower in mate value, should impose higher standards for a suite of desirable characteristics, including hypothesized good-gene indicators, good investment indicators, good parenting indicators, and good partner indicators.
It can act as a signal that one has high mate value in the sexual marketplace. Fantasies, sexual activity preferences, sexual dysfunctions, language suggest that object of desire self-consciousness plays a particularly important role in heterosexual women's sexual/romantic functioning and desires.
Mate-value effects women's implicit desire for long and short-term mates. When social desirability effects were minimized low mate-value women would have more positive associations with men available for short-term relationships compared to high mate-value women.
To test this hypothesis, 144 women were presented with men available for either a long or a short-term relationship. The participants were asked to state their explicit response to the men, complete a procedure designed to measure their implicit responses to the men, and a measure of mate-value. As expected, high mate-value women had fewer positive implicit responses to men only available for short-term relations compared to low mate-value women. This effect disappeared when explicit responses were examined.

What desires make the measure of mate value ? What do women want? Why have scientists been slow to understand women’s desires and relate them to mate value ? Lets first understand woman desire .

It’s a question that’s stymied the likes of Sigmund Freud to Mel Gibson. It has been at the centre of numerous books, articles and blog posts, and no doubt the cause of countless agonised ponderings by men and women alike. But despite eons spent trying to crack this riddle, researchers have yet to land on a unified definition of female desire, let alone come close to fully understanding how it works.
Still, we’ve come a long way from past notions on the subject, which ran the gamut of women being insatiable, sex-hungry nymphomaniacs to having no desire at all. Now, scientists are increasingly beginning to realise that female desire cannot be summarised in terms of a single experience: it varies both between women and within individuals, and it spans a highly diverse spectrum of manifestations.

Every woman wants something different.

We’re also coming to realise that male and female desire might not be as dissimilar as we’ve typically assumed. For decades, researchers bought into society’s belief that men have higher desire than women, since large studies consistently confirmed that finding. But more recent evidence reveals that differences between the sexes may actually be more nuanced or even non-existent, depending on how you define and attempt to measure desire. Some studies have even found that men in relationships are as likely as women to be the member of the couple with the lower level of sexual desire.

Women don’t have lower sexuality than men. What they have are more variable patterns

Past studies typically asked participants things like, “Over the last month, how much desire have you experienced?” When that question is posed, men do typically rate higher than women. But when the question is revised to ask about in-the-moment feelings – the amount of desire experienced in the midst of a sexual interaction – scientists find no difference between men and women. This challenges our gender-related stereotypes about women being passive and not sexual. It also suggests that the factors that elicit desire in the moment might be equally as potent for men as for women.
Others have found that women’s desire waxes and wanes with their menstrual cycle. During women’s peak period of arousal, which occurs around ovulation, their sexual motivation is just as strong as men. Women don’t have lower sexuality than men. What they have are more variable patterns.
This makes sense when thinking in terms of sex’s ultimate purpose: making babies. Biology, which helps to drive reproduction, is an element of sex. It’s only in modern times that reproduction and sex are uncoupled.

Women do not necessarily experience the same progression of excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution that men do

Previously, doctors had also assumed that the male sex hormone testosterone could be linked to female desire. In fact, it probably does not play a major role: several studies found no difference in testosterone levels in women who have high levels of desire and those diagnosed with a desire disorder. Despite this finding, women continue to request testosterone as a treatment for low desire, and doctors continue to prescribe it – often based on lab tests that erroneously use male levels of testosterone as a marker for what normal levels of that hormone should look like in a woman’s body.
Other research finds that testosterone and desire are linked only very indirectly, and that sexual activity has more of an effect on hormone levels than hormones do on whether someone actually desires sex. Sexual thoughts increase testosterone in women, as does sexual jealousy. Thinking that sex just comes out of testosterone is such a falsehood. Hormones have such small – if any – influence on desire.
Even the variety of feelings during sex itself had gone unrecognised: women do not necessarily experience the same progression of excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution that men do. Instead, the order is often shuffled. Sex itself can be the trigger for desire and arousal, or a first orgasm might lead to the desire for a second. Often for women, genital, physical arousal precedes the psychological experience of desire. Whereas in men, desire precedes arousal.
Desire, however, does not necessarily entail the wish to engage in sex with another person. Each woman (and, indeed, man) is different in terms of preferences, and those preferences may change at different times. Women may sometimes or always desire solitary masturbation, and some can even experience orgasm purely through thought, with no physical contact at all. Others may desire sexual activity with a partner, but without penetration or without ending in orgasm. When people say they have a high desire for a partner, they might actually mean they want to be close to someone, or relieve their boredom, or experience something or someone new, or experience orgasm.

Desire depends on the context, the person, the time of their life, relationship factors and who’s available

The range of turn-ons women report are extremely varied as well. Some prefer G-spot stimulation, or for their partner to suck on their toes. Others like to dominate, or simply to be held – the list goes on and on. Usually clitoral stimulation is equated with males, but we’re documenting in the laboratory that women respond to a lot of other things, too. Women need to be educated and given permission to experience what they find pleasurable, and to let them know that they don’t have to fit into a single model of desire and sexual pleasure.
That diversity is now reflected in porn – a relatively new development. Though women have always been involved in the industry, until the 1980s porn was largely geared toward a male audience. When home videos became available, however, porn – previously only shown in theatres – became more easily accessible to women as well as men. Picking up on this, female directors began creating porn marketed towards women, which often took a softer approach, with story lines lacking in violence, for instance. The industry has continued to evolve, however, with porn made by and consumed by women including erotic Victorian vampire sequences, all-male gay porn, monster porn and more. It’s much more diverse now, because people realised that women are also perverts. Women have really taken up the camera and are responding to the diversity of female desire.

Cultivating desire

At the most basic, neurological level, we still have no idea how desire works or what triggers it in the first place. It’s not even clear what desire is, let alone how the activity of different parts of the brain combine to produce it. No one can do that reverse engineering yet.
The reasons behind desire’s absence or loss, however, are often easier to pinpoint. Anyone who has ever been in a long-term relationship, male or female, will likely agree with the finding that desire is not static. Studies confirm that it tends to diminish in the context of long-term relationships. For women, however, the loss is often much more severe, possibly because testosterone provides a buffering effect for men against things like mood, stress and fatigue. Women, on the other hand, often feel that their relationship has lost thrill of the unknown and the sense of mystery and risk that they felt at the beginning, and that domestic life – including exhaustion, anxiety, stress and busyness – produce a smoldering effect. A lot of women are working their asses off. A loss of spontaneous sexual desire is not pathological – it just reflects many women feeling overloaded.
Thankfully, however, desire’s departure in long term relationships is not a given, nor is it necessarily a permanent loss. It can be cultivated. Rekindling desire, is sometimes as simple as introducing novelty into the relationship or life in general, which could mean traveling to a foreign country together, attending a party or learning a new skill. If you and your partner are being dynamic in your life, then it’s as if you’re not having sex with the same person all the time. When your partner does really cool new things, that’s a turn on.
Sometimes lack of desire stems from overriding issues – a medical problem, a breakup, a job loss, the birth of a baby or any other stressful event. This is normal, however, and usually temporary. Large studies in the US and Britain have found that around 50% of women report periods of very low desire over the course of a year, but for many, it returns when they resolve the overarching problem affecting their life outside of the bedroom.
However, around 15% of women report a chronic lack of desire that causes distress. Many of them continue to have sex out of obligation, viewing it as another chore – albeit one that is dreaded. When sex actually takes place, those women may experience distracted thoughts, including benign but unsexy things about work or life, or judgmental ones, such as concern about their lack of response, worry about their appearance or anxiety about their partner leaving them.
A variety of solutions exist, though none work 100% of the time. Group, individual or couple’s therapy helps in some cases, while some have found positive results with mindfulness meditation. Taking a cue from programmes meant to treat depression and anxiety, over many sessions trainers debunk myths, educate participants about their bodies and bring awareness to various erogenous zones. They have found significant differences in groups of women who did and did not receive this training, as measured through self-reported questionnaires, endocrine activity and the women’s response to erotic films. Trainers are now performing another randomised control trial to try to identify the mechanisms by which mindfulness actually works, including whether the women are simply happier and less stressed or more aware of their bodies, or both.

‘Female viagra’ only increases the number of satisfying sexual encounters by 0.5 to one event per month

For now, most experts continue to recommend such treatments over pharmaceuticals, despite the fact that the so-called female Viagra, Addyi (flibanserin), gained US Food and Drug Administration approval . The comparison with Viagra, however, is less than accurate, as Viagra essentially solves a plumbing issue (blood flow to the penis), while Addyi affects the brain. Addyi bases itself on a very narrow definition of desire – one due to an imbalance of serotonin and dopamine. That those hormones do not fully account for female desire is evident in the drug’s clinical trial results: Addyi only increases the number of satisfying sexual encounters by 0.5 to one event per month compared to the placebo. Imagine an allergy medicine that reduces a sneeze by once a month.
Despite the low efficacy, the drug’s side effects – including dizziness, fatigue, nausea, insomnia, dry mouth, loss of consciousness and severely low blood pressure – occurred in about one in five women in the clinical trial. Those taking Addyi also cannot drink alcohol.
Addressing the underlying psychological issues driving low desire may be a more effective treatment.
Not all women, however, are distressed by lack of desire. About 1% of the general population identifies as asexual – that is, they do not experience sexual desire for another person. Some assume that orientation throughout life, whereas others may go through phases of asexuality. That’s a part of who they are, not a medical problem.
In other cases, distress over desire may be imposed by a partner who has higher levels and is making the other person in the relationship feel bad about it. In general, women with lower levels of sexual desire do not see it as a problem until they get into a relationship where the partner has higher desire.
But a boyfriend or husband who urges his partner to seek help or to change because her desire is less than his is inadvertently presuming that his higher level of desire is the “right” amount. The issue is not low desire, it’s a desire discrepancy. Rather than blame the woman, the better approach is to treat the couple and figure out how to negotiate the amount of sex that feels good for both people.
If researchers know anything about desire, it is that variation is the norm. Whether male or female, desire can manifest in a seemingly endless spectrum of forms, and it can range from high to low to nonexistent. There is no right or wrong type or degree of desire for individuals or couples. It would behoove us all to be more accepting of a very wide range of variability in desire.

Who gets mad and who feels bad? Mate value discrepancies predict anger and shame in response to transgressions in romantic relationships

Mate value discrepancies (MVDs) predict multiple outcomes in romantic relationships, including relationship satisfaction, jealousy, and forgiveness. Researchers tested the hypotheses that MVDs would predict anger and shame in response to both medium and strong transgressions within romantic relationships. Participants in long-term committed relationships read scenarios describing relational transgressions and rated how much anger and shame they would feel if they were either the victim or the perpetrator of the transgressions in their current relationship. It was found that victims of medium-level transgressions were angrier the more alternative potential mates there were that were closer to their ideal mate preferences than their current partner. Perpetrators of strong transgressions felt more shame the higher in mate value their partner was compared to them. Results suggest that different MVDs may predict different outcomes in relationships and highlight the importance of using functional theories of emotions to predict individual differences in emotional responses.

Female perception of a partner’s mate value discrepancy and controlling behaviour in romantic relationships

Mate value discrepancy (MVD) between heterosexual partners is an important factor influencing relationship satisfaction which, in turn, has an effect on the quality and the stability of the relationship. Therefore, partners’ involvement in mate retention behaviours, such as controlling behaviours, can be related to MVD. Researchers analysed female perception of MVD and their opinion regarding the intensity of controlling behaviours performed by themselves as well as their romantic partners. Female perception of the intensity of controlling behaviours performed by both partners was the highest in couples where a woman assesses her own mate value (MV) as higher than her partner’s MV and significantly different than in relationships where male MV exceeded those of the female. The study also indicated that MVD should be taken into account when analysing sex differences in intensities of mate retention behaviours. Finally, the study provided evidence supporting the significance of the relationship length for controlling behaviour intensity. Findings are discussed within an evolutionary perspective.
Mate guarding, a behavioural strategy aiming to maintain physical proximity to a reproductive partner, is widespread among animals and is exhibited mainly by males. It has been argued that male mate guarding is a behavioural adaptation against cuckoldry aiming to reduce the potential costs related to investments of time and resources in genetically nonrelated offspring. However, in species showing high levels of parental investment, such as humans, mate guarding is expected to evolve also in females as a response to partner’s infidelity and risk of losing partners’ resources and protection.
Human mate guarding or, in a broader sense, mate retention behaviours can be classified in terms of costs and benefits that the romantic partner bears and receives. For instance, time monopolization and public derogations may be highly expensive for the partner in terms of his/her self-esteem and social support diminution. In contrast, giving expensive gifts or paying compliments may be beneficial for the partner as it may potentially increase partner’s relationship satisfaction and decrease the likelihood of partner’s infidelity or defection.
Among the individual tactics that transfer the costs of mate retention to a partner are controlling behaviours. These behaviours may involve not only economic and emotional control, but also threats, intimidation and isolation of the partner . The previously mentioned forms of mate control, sometimes alongside physical violence, can be classified as direct forms of mate guarding . However, unlike physical aggression, which is often socially stigmatised, controlling tactics are relatively widespread in humans often applied in order to control partner’s life and affect relationship quality.
Among the potential factors that may influence couple well-being are the mate values (MVs) of both partners . MV is often defined within a reproductive context and refers to all phenotypic aspects that promote successful reproduction of an individual . In a broader perspective, the definition of MV covers not only physical but also psychological and social characteristics . In such a multidimensional sense, MV includes all attributes that may potentially affect individual mate choice and mate retention capabilities in a given time and context.
In order to maximise reproductive success, both males and females aim to find and mate with a partner of the best available MV. Consequently, people are expected to form relatively homogenous relationships with respect to MV levels . However, the previously mentioned assumption does not exclude the possibility of forming romantic relationships between individuals exhibiting significant discrepancy in their MVs. For example, the MV discrepancy between partners may occur when a lower-MV individual deceives a potential partner regarding the actual level of resources accessible, life aspirations or number of previous partners . Similarly, the discrepancy between partners’ MVs may also appear when the MV of one party significantly increases (e.g. by moving up the career ladder) or decreases (e.g. job loss, loss of fertility, chronic illness) . In such circumstances, the partner with higher MV may try to terminate the disadvantageous relationship, whereas the partner with lower MV may use mate retention tactics in order to prevent the potential breakdown of the relationship . Consequently, one could expect that controlling behaviour may be related not only to the individual’s absolute MV but also to the self-assessment of MV relative to the MV of the partner or, in other words, mate value discrepancy (MVD) between partners.
There is a substantial scarcity of studies attempting to address the effect of MVD on mate retention tactics. In one such attempt, researchers found that men married to women of relatively higher MV (younger and perceived by the partner as more attractive) more frequently employed several mate retention tactics such as emotional manipulation, commitment manipulation, possessive ornamentation and derogations. These finding are in line with the results of other study showing that women with higher multifaceted MV than their partners feel lower satisfaction from their relationships . A lower satisfaction of high-MV women may result from more intensive mate guarding and impression of being trapped in the current relationship . Indeed, a recent study confirmed that MVD may affect mate retention behaviours through the relationship satisfaction . Taken together, the previously mentioned studies suggest that also the intensity of more specific negative forms of mate guarding such as controlling behaviours may be related to the difference between qualities of romantic partners.
In the present study, we aim to investigate whether MVD is related to the intensity of negative forms of mate retention tactics, such as controlling behaviours. We focus on women’s reports since, comparing to men, the relationship between mate value and particular forms of mate retention is insufficiently investigated in women , which is quite surprising given that both sexes use negative tactics of mate guarding with similar intensity . In a similar vein, we analyse women’s assessments of their partners’ use of controlling behaviours and possible differences between intensities of mate guarding performed by both sexes.
As noted previously, being involved in a relationship with a partner who exhibits lower MV might be disadvantageous in terms of maximizing individual’s fitness. Thus, we predict that controlling behaviour would be applied less intensively by women involved in relationships with lower-MV partner compared to those who are in relationship with a partner exhibiting higher MV. Similarly, we predict that in couples where man has lower MV than his partner, women will perceive that their partners exhibit more control over them compared to women involved with man exhibiting higher MV values than their own. Furthermore, following results also predict that there will be no difference in the general intensity of controlling behaviours performed by men and women. However, after taking MVD into account, we hypothesise that in the MV discrepant relationships, it is the lower-MV partner who exerts more control over his/her partner.
In addition to the previously mentioned hypotheses, we also focus on a potential role of relationship length in partner control. This is because several authors suggested that relationship length may influence mate retention and guarding strategies . In particular, long-lasting, hence putatively more secure, relationships, the intensity of mate retention (at least in men) would be lower. However, longer relationships are those with higher total both partners’ investments accumulated over time and relationship breakdown may shatter them. Moreover, a breakdown of long-lasting relationship may be especially costly for women, since loss of time devoted to unsuitable partner depletes time pool (limited by the menopause) available for successful mating and reproduction. Therefore, we hypothesise that using controlling behaviours in long-term couples would be a strategy used in order to prevent the loss of partner and secure relationship investments. Therefore, we predict that the length of the relationship should be positively related to the intensity of controlling behaviour.

Men’s control of high-quality female partners

The perceived level of controlling behaviour performed by male partners is the highest in relationships where women have a higher MV than men. This would suggest that a higher intensity of mate guarding in the lower-MV male partner could be performed in order to avoid high-quality-partner loss and/or mislead parental investments in a sexual rival’s offspring. These results are in accordance with other studies where it has been shown that men involved in a relationship with women having a higher MV than themselves (i.e. relatively younger and more attractive) were more prone to undertake greater mate retention efforts . Although specific tactics used by lower-MV men did not include direct guarding (putatively the most similar to controlling behaviours), they did involve other negative forms of mate retention, such as emotional manipulation and commitment manipulations . Similarly, other studies also showed that the negative mate retention tactics, such as direct guarding, partner-directed verbal insults or controlling behaviours per se, are less often performed by higher-quality males . Results from our study corroborate the previously mentioned findings and indicate that in relationships where a woman’s MV exceeds a man’s MV, a higher intensity of negative forms of male partner mate guarding could be expected.

Women’s control of low-quality male partners

The results of this study show that women in woman-better relationships are more prone to control their partners than women in men-better relationships, which is opposed to our predictions and seems to be intriguing from the evolutionary standpoint. Indeed, maintaining and possibly securing the relationship with a lower-MV male partner via controlling tactics are expected to be less beneficial to women in terms of maximizing their fitness. A possible explanation for this unexpected result may stem from the specific nature of woman-better relationships. According to this and previous studies conducted on separate groups of subjects , the majority of women evaluate their own MV as lower when compared to their partner’s MV. This may reflect well-documented women’s preferences for characteristic markers of male MV, such as high social, financial status or career prospects . Items describing these traditionally ‘male’ qualities of MV constituted a substantial part of the questionnaire used in this study, and although preferences of both sexes have become more convergent , the overall MV assessment might have been male biased. Moreover, studies have shown that men who perceive their MV as lower than their partner MV (woman-better case) assess their sociosexuality lower (i.e. more restricted and focused on emotional, long-term bonding). This indicates that these men when compared to others have a more feminine, restricted type of sociosexuality. Accordingly, we suggest in our study that relationships where women assess their own MV as higher than their partner’s MV may be those in which traditional gender roles are expressed less explicitly. If so, such females can demonstrate a more masculine pattern of behaviours, and therefore, they control partners more intensively. This is concordant with a general observation suggesting that, in particular societies, the level of aggression between partners is related to the social roles of males and females . In an individualistic population where gender roles are more equal, victimization of both sexes is more similar as compared to the collectivistic cultures where it is more male biased . We believe that contemporary population represents rather individualistic than collectivistic model of the society where evolutionary-shaped gender roles may have become overshadowed by cultural influences. As such, the results of our study suggest that the fading importance of traditional gender roles may result in higher women’s partner control, which is in line with other studies conducted on young, well-educated females .
An alternative explanation of the higher level of women’s self-reported intensity of controlling behaviour in woman-better relationships may be related to women’s reactions to a partner’s behaviour. Such effect may be a derivative of positive assortative mating (pairing with relatively similar partners) in terms of various psychological characteristics in humans. It is also feasible to assume that controlling behaviours used by women in woman-better couples do not serve purely as a mate retention strategy. For example, since high-MV women may have higher standards in their partners and CBS questionnaires used in the current study cover also abusive attitudes and behaviours , high-MV women may use such strategies in order to terminate a disadvantageous relationship with a lower-MV partner. Nonetheless, it is also possible that higher intensity of partner control reported by women is merely spuriously reflected in questionnaire responses and does not reflect reality. In particular, in relationships with high intensity of man’s controlling behaviour, women may self-deceive themselves and report the apparent use of such techniques. However, all the previously mentioned hypotheses (i.e. ‘positive assortative mating for controlling behaviour’, ‘partner drive-away strategy’ and ‘self-deception effect’) should be tested explicitly in further research.

Relationship length and controlling behaviours

Our results also point out one possible factor that may modify the relationship between partners’ MVD and the intensity of their controlling behaviours. Consistent with our predictions, increased length of relationship was associated with higher intensity of controlling behaviour performed by both partners. Potential loss of relationship and parental investments resulting from a partner’s infidelity or relationship dissolution could be substantially more detrimental in long-term relationships than in newly formed ones. Although a long-term relationship breakdown may be particularly costly for females whose parental efforts are much higher and their reproductive potential is more limited compared to men , males also risk a substantial loss of invested resources in the case of being abandoned by a long-term partner. In such perspective, the higher intensity of mutual use of the controlling tactics, relatively less costly for the performer and therefore possible to use over longer period of time, may be a strategy that counteracts squandering common investments in a long-lasting relationships.
In conclusion, results from the present study show that the intensity of controlling behaviours performed by both partners is the highest in couples where a woman assesses her own MV as higher than her partner’s MV. In relationships with such MV discrepancies, women experience more often control from their partners and, at the same time, report to control their partners more intensively. Whereas the former result is congruent with evolutionary logic regarding the interaction between partners’ MV and controlling behaviour, the latter is intriguing from the evolutionary perspective of formation and maintenance of human relationship. Overall, our study also implies that the MVD may affect sex differences in the intensities of the mate retention strategies and provides evidence supporting the significance of the relationship length for controlling behaviour intensity.

64 Personality Template - Desire ( Perceived / True ) , Mate Value ( Perceived / True ) and Levels Of Consciousness

Every human being grows in stages of psychological development, operates at levels of consciousness and makes decisions about how to get their needs met based on their worldview.
Just as we can mark where we are in the passage of our lives by the seven stages of development model, we can mark where we are at any moment in time by the Seven Levels of Consciousness model.
Normally, the level of consciousness we operate from will coincide with the stage of development we have reached. However, if we encounter a situation that triggers one of our limiting survival, safety or security beliefs we will immediately drop down to one of the first three levels of consciousness. For example, if I am 36 years old—in the middle of the individuating stage of development—and I lose my job and my savings, I will immediately drop down to the survival level of consciousness.
The seven levels of personal consciousness are shown in the following table. The first column names the stages of psychological development. The second column names the level of consciousness associated with the stage of psychological development. The third column indicates some of the positive values that are found at each level of consciousness, and the fourth column indicates some of the potentially limiting values that show up at the first three levels of consciousness--the stages of ego development.

Stages of development and levels of consciousness

Level 1: Survival consciousness

The first level of personal consciousness is all about survival. To survive, we need clean air, water and wholesome food to keep our bodies healthy and fit, and we need to feel financially secure. How you deal with survival situations as an adult depends on the conditioning you received as a baby. If you had difficulties getting your survival needs met—your parents ignored you when you cried, or you felt abandoned—you will be very cautious as an adult, you may also become a micro-manager because you feel that you cannot trust other people to take care of your needs. Whenever you have anything that feels like a survival challenge, your fear-based limiting beliefs from childhood will be triggered. You may become anxious and emotionally upset. Your anxiety will come from the limiting belief that you will not be able to control your environment to get your needs met. If on the other hand, your needs were always met as a baby, you will be able to handle survival situations without too much stress. In this case, no matter what happens, you will feel confident in being able to control the situation.

Level 2: Relationship consciousness

The second level of personal consciousness is all about safety. To feel safe, we need to feel loved and protected. We need to feel a sense of belonging. How you deal with relationship situations as an adult depends on the conditioning you received as a child. If you had difficulties getting your safety needs met during the conforming stage of development, you will be suspicious of others as an adult. Also, if you didn’t feel loved, you may appear needy or want to be liked. Whenever you feel you don’t belong or don’t feel loved and cared for as an adult—your fear-based limiting beliefs from childhood will be triggered and you may become anxious or emotionally upset. If on the other hand, if you felt unconditionally loved as a child and always felt safe and protected, you will be able to take care of your relationship and needs later on in life.

Level 3: Self-esteem consciousness

The third level of personal consciousness is about feeling secure in your community. To feel secure, we need to feel accepted and respected by our peers and recognized by those in positions of authority. How you deal with self-esteem challenges as an adult depends on the conditioning you received as a teenager. If you had difficulties getting your security needs met during the differentiating stage of development, you will lack confidence as an adult. Whenever you experience anything that feels like a self-esteem challenge—when you don’t feel good enough—your fear-based limiting beliefs from your teenage years will be triggered, and you may become anxious and emotionally upset. If on the other hand, you were acknowledged and recognized for who you were as a teenager—if you always felt accepted and had a good relationship with your parents, peers and authority figures—you will be able to handle your security needs later on in life.

Level 4: Transformation consciousness

The fourth level of human consciousness is about finding freedom and autonomy. You will want to discover who you are beyond the parental programming and cultural conditioning you received during your formative years. At this stage of development, you will be asking questions such as “Who am I?” and “What is important to me?” Only when you find answers to these questions, will you discover your true (soul) self. Fully expressing who you are without fear of what others may think or say, particularly your parents, peers, spouse and the authority figures in your life, gives you the opportunity to make choices that are more in alignment with who you are. The prize that comes with the pursuit of this self-understanding and knowledge is the independence and the ability to operate with integrity. When you discover and express who you are you can remove your ego mask and march to your tune, not to the tune that has been imposed on you by others.

Level 5: Internal cohesion consciousness

The fifth level of human consciousness is about finding meaning in your life—finding what your soul came into the world to do. At this level of consciousness, the question is no longer “Who am I?” but “Why am I here in this body?” and “How can I fully express myself?” For those who do not feel a particular sense of purpose, this can be a daunting inquiry. For others, who are gifted with a particular talent, your purpose will be obvious. If you are not sure of your purpose, simply focus on what you love to do and pay attention to what is immediately in front of you. Whatever it is, do it to the best of your ability. Alternatively just follow your joy, develop your most obvious talents, and pursue your passion. Many people do not discover their purpose until quite late in life. However, when they look back, they realize that all the twists and turns had a reason—to prepare you to give the gift you were born to give—to fully express your true nature. When you find your purpose, it may feel like something small, or it may feel like something large. Whatever it is, you need to recognize that it is what your soul came to do, and if you follow the promptings of your soul you will find a sense of meaning and fulfillment in your life. Your life will become a journey of synchronicity, constantly unfolding in front of you. Be assured, when you commit your energy to your soul purpose, all manner of unexpected events will occur to support you. Your focus on passion and purpose may mean giving up a way of life that brings you comfort, stability and certainty. It may mean moving location, giving up friends, or risking your financial stability. In short, it may feel scary. But it is not something you should avoid. You will never be at ease with yourself—you will not find internal stability—if you do not follow your passion. If you don’t follow the promptings of your soul, you will spend the rest of your life feeling unfulfilled, depressed or living with regrets.

Level 6: Making a difference consciousness

The sixth level of human consciousness is about making a difference in the world—in your family, your workplace, in your community or nation, or in our global society. If you are a leader operating at this level of consciousness, you will realize that your ability to fulfill your purpose is strongly conditioned by your ability to connect with others and facilitate the work of those who support you. Enlightened leaders understand that it is through others—their followers—that they make an impact in the world. The more easily you can connect and empathize with others, the easier it will be for you to fulfill your destiny. Whether you are a leader or not, making a difference, always implies connecting with others in unconditional loving relationships.

Level 7: Service consciousness

The seventh level of human consciousness is about selfless service to the cause or the work which allows you to use your gifts and talents--the work you were born to do. You reach this level of consciousness when making a difference becomes a way of life--when you surrender to your soul. You are now fully imbued with your soul’s purpose and living the life of a soul-infused personality. You are at ease with uncertainty and embrace whatever opportunities come your way. You feel as if you are being guided by your soul.
At this stage of development, you may find yourself needing time for quiet and reflection. You will be seeking the inspiration you need from your soul so that you can live and breathe your purpose every moment of your life. You will know when you are operating from this level of consciousness because there will be nothing else for you to do. You will not want to “retire” because that would close down your self-expression and take the meaning out of your life. What you previously considered work, now becomes your play. At this level of consciousness, you let the doing flow through the being.

Full-Spectrum consciousness

When you reach the latter years of your life, you may be fortunate enough to have learned how to master every stage of psychological development—your ego needs and your soul desires—and you will be able to operate from Full-Spectrum Consciousness. When you are operating from Full-Spectrum Consciousness, you can respond appropriately to all situations that life throws at you with inner calm—without fear, upset or anxiety. Individuals experiencing. People operating from Full-Spectrum Consciousness display the following attributes:
They master their survival needs by staying healthy, looking after their bodies and their financial security and keeping safe from harm and injury.
They master their relationship needs by building friendships and family connections that create a sense of love and belonging.
They master their self-esteem needs by building a strong sense of self-worth and acting responsibly and reliably in everything they do.
They master their transformation needs by having the courage to embrace their authentic selves; living their values and managing or overcoming the fears that keep them focused on their deficiency needs.
They master their internal cohesion needs by uncovering and embracing their soul’s purpose, expressing their creativity and thereby finding meaning in life.
They master their making a difference needs through actualizing their sense of purpose and leveraging their actions in the world by connecting with others in unconditional loving relationships.
They master their service needs by devoting their life to their sense of purpose and making a lasting contribution to well-being of humanity or the planet in service to current and future generations.